Friday, July 31, 2009

Once bitten, twice shy

A man who lived all his life in a remote village, away from the technological wonders the city finally decided to pay a visit to his childhood friend, whom seven years ago relocated to the city.

With his friend's address neatly folded in his pocket, he makes the long journey. First on foot to the adjacent village, to catch a ride on the truck which transports produce to the big city.

The driver lets him off at a rail station to continue the journey. There, for the very first time he sees train tracks. Buffled at the sight, and wondering where the winding trail leads to, he descends to trace it.

Loud rumbling sounds approach, the engine train signals it's descent "cho cho" it whistles. What is this? He wonders aloud.
The train verges forth, yet he stands at the edge of the rail in awe, wanting an up-close and personal look at the approaching beast.

WAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He later comes round, to find both lower limps casted in the plaster of paris ( P.O.P), his childhood friend sitting by his bed side.

Well and discharged, he can at last fufill the purpose for which he came.

His eyes take on a life of it's own as it veers into multiple directions at a time. Soaking in all the wonderful gadgets it has been denied life long.

I'll make us some tea says the friend, and off into the kicten he goes to light a kettle.

Now a tour of the kitchen.
Again, he feeds his eyes on all the household appliances. From the fridge to the microwave, rice cooker, blender toaster etc..

"Cho cho" the kettle blows, the water is ready, on instinct he grabs the rolling pin and smashes into the object generating the sound " wam, wam, wam...."

What do you think you are doing? The friend shouts.

He replies " mennn...... you need to kill these things when they are young"


Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Underage

I was down at the grocery store picking up a six pack beer for my uncle, ice cream for me. I’m getting ready to hand over my “benjamins” and get going. when the lady at the cash register says “ID” _ now I’m standing there with this stupid look on my face, jaw hanging and all, wondering “ what the hell, do I look eighteen”.

As if I didn’t hear her the first time, she repeats “ I need to see an ID”
Proof I’m 21 or above_ apparently my mustache wasn’t doing the trick.
Who carries an ID to the grocery 3minutes walk away?

Anyway…

Never knew I had the words party girl stamped on my forehead, but when leaving the shoe store the girl at the cash register handed me an invitation to come chill_ I know right, what is it with me and the ladies at the cash register?

On the 6 by 4 inch card, written in bold gold ( font size 72 lol!) were the words “ Eighteen to party- Twenty-one to drink.
Geez……………..! So what happens to all those seventeen and below, not to talk about twenty-two’s and above_ hehehe……. yeah right!

But seriously, if more people took the time to implement such requirements, we wouldn’t have to worry about teenagers abusing alcohol.

And yes! I’m of legal drinking age ( as if that is a good thing :-) )

Monday, July 27, 2009

Woman I am

Could you bye me a day in your life
Could you wear the clothes on my back
Could you mold me into what you desire

Mama says I’m beautiful just the way I am

But if that is so, why do you wish I was someone else?

Could you make me into everything you want
Could you be everything I want
Could you walk in my heels

Papa says I’m wonderful just the way I am

But if that is so, why do you wish I was something else?

Critical siprit

Mathew 7: 1_ “Judge not, that ye may not be judged. For with what judgment ye judge ye shall be judged; and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you”.


Your critical spirit equates to a non-profitable organization. Constantly you hold others in contempt. Magnifying moles into mountains, do you not have a life to live?

Skeptical and sarcastic, all day long you gossip about things which do not concern you. How can you see right, when the window you look through is blurred with dust.


Fault finder, does your refection portray perfection?

Critical eye, you live to taint, a stumbling block in my way, but a stepping stone you shall be.
Open your eyes to the positives and stop relishing on the opposite.


You need not agree, nor understand, the benefit of doubt is what counts.

Love much because you have been forgiven much.
So if you may err, it will be on the side of mercy, not judgment.


Inspired by Joel Osteen

Friday, July 24, 2009

Roger

My days are cold
my nights are even colder

I yearn for you, in the silence of the night
To snuggle with you my knight

In my dream I reach out to touch
Oh how i long to be intertwined, scorched by your flames

Say my name when your are high
Lets soar to a place only we know

It's been too long.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

They who are near me

They who are near to me
do not know that you are nearer to me than they are.

They who speak to me
do not know that my heartis full with your unspoken words.

They who crowd in my path
do now know thatI am walking alone with you.

They who love me
do not know that their love brings you to my heart.

By Rabindranath Tagore

Bush Rat

I catch the 6 train from Parkchester to Pelham Parkway, the orientation is at nine and I can’t afford to miss it.

Here I am sitting across this really cute African-American, my eyes do a quick run down, and for ma mind I dey say “ charley…., see fine boy”.
I’m adjusting my sitting position_ so as not to be caught staring, ready to appreciate and evaluate him lucidly.

It starts slowly, and finally takes form, a “D” underlined with red pen appears on my forehead. When did men start getting pregnant or start having the uncontrollable edge spit? Fine boy must be with child, because I can’t begin to comprehend why?
Not once not twice, not even thrice, this guy is spitting on the floor in the train!

What the hell? I’m biting on my tongue to stop the words from coming out.
Seriously no passenger on a “troski” in GH would do such a thing.

I’m so disgusted, my skin begins to crawl_ it’s not my nature to come off as rude, but I cant take this, so I get up and move to the other end.

Certain acts are natural and cannot be helped, but…

My mother

So here I am typing away, I can tell she’s getting irritated with my luck of attention towards her. Finally she blurbs out “ I didn’t pay for your ticket to watch you sit silent, lets talk”.
This is the same lady who is busy drinking soup and chewing bones oh!

A grin cuts across my face_ the little details, why I love this woman so. Fine I say, what do you want to talk about?

She goes on to ask all these long and tall questions about my “personal” life, auntie Mercy does not have the word personal enshrined in her vocabulary.
But honestly, it’s always been easy to talk to her, she’s like a big nosy sister. So here I am “bossing’ her_ that’s what she calls it, about all the funny stuff that went down during the semester. She’s laughing, then all of a sudden she’s choking.

I quickly run to the kitchen to go get her some water, I can still hear her coughing so I’m rushing to her side with the glass. I get there only to find my mum passed out and hanging over her chair_ this woman has collapsed!

Funny enough my first reaction is “ mummy wake, stop faking, you have not collapse”.
I see a smile tagging at her lips untill she finally bursts into laughter now we are both laughing so hard she starts to tear up.

Must confess I love this woman.

Cutest thing ever

I was sitting in the park, with my eyes closed soaking in the sun and listening to the wonders of nature, the birds chirping in the trees, the sound of the wind and the laughter of children playing_ I need to get me one of those lol!

Better open your eyes a small voice says, before you fall asleep and sway on to the floor. The breeze could put any stubborn baby to sleep.
Sitting across the bench PDA’ing_ public display of affection, was this old couple. Old as in the term “ abrewa posoposo”.

They held hands and whispered to themselves_ wish I knew what was so funny, cos they kept laughing like teenage lovers. The only difference being, young lovers only come out at night to play_ admit it.

They must have seen the awe on my face, cos they chatted me up. They told me, they’ve been married for fifty-nine years, had eight grandchildren, and that she ( old lady) was three years older than her husband. I was pretty amazed.

They stared into each other eyes and smiled. Wow! I hope at their age I will still be this much in love_ I sure do hope this doesn’t only happen with white people, hehehee

Cup sizes

So she’s going on and on about how her boobs are too big, and she wants a reduction.
Now I can clearly see my jaw on the floor _ thank God there’s no house fly in sight.
I catch my self staring at my chest, my brain is screaming “we can exchange if you like”.

Naturally we are now talking about Breastina Naa Fufor Bobbison, and she tells me the funniest thing about cup sizes.
I wonder where she gets all this “gist” from?
Apparently the A’s n B’s for bra size are not just for decoration, they’re actually for description;

A_ almost boob

B_ barely boob

C_ can’t complain

D_ dang

DD_ double dang

E_ enormous

F_ fake

G_ get reduction

H_ help me I have fallen and can’t get up

Hehehe…………………., but seriously how do I get extra? Silicon is not an option , perhaps the touchy option, lol!
 

Adam & Eve

I can’t recall what exactly dragged out this topic, but I spent last Sunday arguing with my cousin over the true meaning of “the tree of life” God put in the middle of Eden_ didn’t go to church ooo.

She believed the tree of life had nothing to do with knowledge of good and evil, rather it had to do with sex, what else was in the middle of a person? Most definitely not a tree, and when God asked the important question of location, dumb Adam said “ I am naked’ _ see, he gained no knowledge at all, plus what do two naked people do?.

I found myself sprawled on the floor in uncontrollable laughter.
Is she then implying sex is evil, so evil God kicked Adam and his Rib out of the garden?

Sure I was in disagreement, my opinion was that just as God created animals in pairs, he realized Adam shouldn’t be alone, he too must be given a companion to help in the multiplication_ n’est pas?
Sex was therefore inevitable, moreover when driving them away, He placed and I quote “ at the east of the garden of Eden Cherubims and a flaming sword which turned every way to keep the way of the tree of life”

If indeed the tree was something else _(wink), it should have caught fire by now. So where then did Cain and Abel come from, the “ goods” have been damaged lol!

The mysteries of the Bible are not for the simple minds of men.
To logically analysis it, would only lead to more confusion. It is the faith and belief in a Supreme Being and it’s mysteries that keep the magic alive.