Saturday, November 21, 2009

Love & Fart

(Exams are right in the corner, instead of sitting on my bum and reading, I opted to watch one of the new movies I had recently loaded on to sugar; sugar is the name of my lap top. Instead of advising me to get back to my books, boo wished me luck, said he was sure I’d make an A in the movie paper. What can I say, “All work and no play, makes lucci a dull girl”.
I did learn something I’ll like to share, and the more I think about it the more it, the more it makes sense to me. I hope you find it useful, lol)


Relationships are said to be best defined by farting;
The stages of a relationship can best be measured by stages in farting.

Stage one: conspiracy of silence_ this is a fantasy period where both parties pretend that they are without any bodily waste. This illusion is shattered with the first shy question of,"oh did you fart?" Followed by the sheepish admission of truth. This heralds a stage of deeper intimacy.

Stage two: the fart honeymoon_ when both parties find their partners gas the cutest thing in the world. But of course no honeymoon can last forever, so we reach a critical stage of the fork in the fart

Stage three: the fork_ either the fart looses it essence to amuse or embarrass, signifying true love. Or else it begins to annoy and disgust, thereby signifying all that is blocked rancid in the formerly beloved.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Honest Scrap Award

This post is long overdue, so please forgive me, most especially, my fellow blogger “the kisser”, who bestowed this honour.
Upon the reception of this award, I’m required to post ten honest things about myself, so here it goes:

1.I’m a 22 final year college student_ yippee; I’ll be out of here come next year May. Fine!!!... I’ll admit it; it scares the living day lights out of me. The world is so big, and I’m so small.

2.I use to loooveee… drinking spirit, but my eyes have been open to the fresh taste of coke cola, now I’m addicted to the stuff. I know too much is bad for me, but I can’t help it, it’s now my H2O “brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr………………”

3.I wish my boobs were bigger, a C cup, would have been most appropriate, it’s not like I’m asking for mosquito swaps or anything. I ain't that greedy lol…… (No offence). God if you up there, answer my fervent prayer.

4.I’m not as freaky, as I may seem. Really, I’m kinda of shy, yes the word was “kinda” shy lol.

5.I prefer cats to dogs. No! I’m not secretive or anything, sure we all have our fair share of skeletons in the closet, but mine always seem to resurrect and walk out_ bones and all hehehehee…….


6.I ABSOLUTELY DISLIKE all reptallic looking creatures, they make my skin crawl.

7.Between cake, ice cream and chocolate, I’ll choose “cho-co-late” any day any time.

8.I’m a sucker for love, I believe in all of its magic, including the butterflies and all,”love is like a butterfly, let it fly, if it surely belongs to you, it will fly back”. Hey! So I’m a romantic, can’t help it:-)

9.So I like attention, who doesn’t? Once in a while, I like to cause a stir lol!

10.I’m still undecided about the direction of my blog; I don’t have a theme, hell, I don’t even know what the main concept is about. But what I do know is that, I sure do love to write.



Thanks again, "KISSER" mmmmmuaaah........

Thursday, November 19, 2009

The journey

Three men embarked on a journey to retrieve a family heirloom which had mysteriously disappeared. They travelled tirelessly for three days and three nights.

As they laid under an enormous tree, to catch their breath, they were captured by warriors who presented them before their King.

Unfortunately for the three, their capture had come at a time when the gods of this strange land required human sacrifice, to guarantee another year of bumper harvest.

They wailed and pleaded with the king to release them. He agreed on the condition that, each was to perform an act, should he succeed, only then would he be set free.

Each was to gather ten fruits of the same kind. And present it before the king, upon that act, further instructions would be given.

The first came before the king with ten apples, he was asked to insert each of the ten apples into his anus, without showing any expression. Should he fail, death!

1, 2, 3_ he winced in pain. Immediately he was sent away to be killed

Then came the second, with ten blue berries. He was given the same instructions

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9_ he burst into laughter. Straight away, he was also sent to be executed.

When the first ghost met the second ghost, he asked “my brother why did you laugh, you were so close?

The second ghost replied “I couldn’t help it, just as I was about to finish, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples”.

Friday, November 13, 2009

A woman's worth_ lyrics by Alicia Keys

You can buy me diamonds, you can buy me pearls
Take me on a cruise around the world, baby you know I’m worth it
Dinner lit by candles, run my bubble bath
Make love tenderly to last till last, baby you know I’m worth it

chorus:
“Wanna please, wanna keep, and wanna treat, your woman right
Not just the doe, but the show, that she knows, she’s worth your time
You will lose if you choose to refuse to put her first
She will, and she can find a man who knows her worth

Cos a real man, knows a real woman, when he sees her
And real woman, knows a real man, ain’t afraid to please her
And real woman knows a real man, always comes first
And real man, just can’t deny, a woman’s worth”

If you treat me fairly, I'll give you all my good.
Treat you like a real woman should, cos baby I know you’re worth it.
If you never play me, promises not bluff.
I’ll hold it down, when shit gets rough, cos baby I know you’re worth it.

Repeat chorus:
Wanna please, wanna keep…

No need to read between the lines, spelled out for you
Just hear this song, cos you can’t go wrong, when you value a woman

Continue from:
Cos a real man knows a real woman, when he sees her…

( I Love the lyrics to this song, hope you enjoy it too)

Monday, November 9, 2009

Frist Love

Young and innocent, filled with fairy tales
Glazed eyed, I viewed the world
The sun shone brighter than before
And the stars twinkled in absolute awe

Crushes yes, but this, no! I had not a clue?
A tag at my heart, butterflies in my tummy
A song on my lips, day dreams unending
What was this feeling, I was feeling?

But the moment you winked at me
That second, your lids made contact
As I stood watching you say goodbye
I knew, I knew for sure, what it was.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Reflections

The image of my father reading to me still runs vivid in my mind’s eye.

I remember all the times, he’ll come home from work and right after supper he’ll ask me to take out the books Mrs. Kwame gave out today, Mrs. Kwame was my class one teacher, so I guess I was about six then. Together we read the short stories on Janet and John_ I must confess I can’t recall the exact details, but I’m sure it went like the rhyme in Jack and Jill going up the hill, simple everyday English for my young developing brain.

When I was much older, between classes four and six, I spent almost all my Saturdays, in “Ashaleybotwe”_ I’m sure the spelling is so wrong heheheh….

Mrs. Mensah managed a reading club, in her home. Never had I seen so many books in one place, which was not a library. Each Saturday, we were to borrow a book, read and present a review the following week, she required that we make a list of all the new vocabularies we’d come across and look up synonyms and antonyms for each.

My father drove me religiously to and fro, every Saturday_ sweet man, that man.

I kept my first journal in JHS, form one. It started out with normal every day activities in school and at home. By form two, it contained writings about my first crush. From there on, I mostly wrote about him; I used a code name for him, just in case my journal fell in the wrong hands. By form three, point of interest had changed, my crush was a rather clam and shy guy, he never gathered the guts to approach me, I on the other hand was afraid of rejection_ I destroyed my journal before senior high school, it wasn’t as though it had deep dark secrets or anything, but during that era, my writing was meant just for me.

In SHS, I mostly wrote to release stress, I wrote about my life, my dreams, my friends, my family and of course new points of interest (wink), but mostly I wrote when something, or someone hurt me, it was my own way of dealing with things that bothered me, a way to try and understand why_ yes my school was an all girls, but believe me, it was full of drama.

In varsity I started to write poetry, I was never a literature student, but I loved the way poets played on words and rhyme schemes, in the simplest of ways, but yet with so much depth and meaning. I’m still trying to pick up on the skill, so do excuse me for all the times my poems sucked lol.

One thing remains clear to me, I love to write yes, but I love writing because it helps me deal with things, It makes me feel lighter, once I put it down ,it’s out of my system, perhaps then I’m able to look at it, whatever it is, that is eating me up, objectively_ yeah right, objectively my foot hehehe….

But seriously, I think its therapy for my soul.

Monday, November 2, 2009

Out of Boredom

I’m thanking God this morning, not just for the gift of life, but also for the gift of sight _yippee…..!!!!!

I was worried; my eyes would be closed shut by sunrise, with all this black glue feeling like grits on my iris_ I think it’s the same one they use for bonding.

My Sunday turned out to be a really boring one. I should have gone eating omo-tuo or something, and then dozed off the rest of the afternoon. The handout reading business was just not working, plus there was nothing interesting on TV to distract me, no new movies to engage my eyes_ I don’t know about you, but I can’t watch a movie twice, unless it was “really” good, or I had no other choice (under duress).

So what was the brilliant plan????.....

Lashes!

Pep (my roommate) and I, have always wondered how we’d look with extra inches of horse mane glued to our faces_ lol the thought should have been enough to stop us in our tracks, right? Wrong….

I won’t lie, I have small eyes_ my mum used to tease me about it all the time, she‘ll call out for me “come here, with those small eyes like shito”. What is this lady talking about; hers is just about the same size hehehe…

Small sized horse mane would have been most appropriate, but the lady had only medium and long. Ergo, medium it was.

Now she got me looking like a bat_ if this is medium, hell what does long look like? I’m sure I can sweep the floor with it; I just need to position myself correctly.

Pep is already pulling hers out, she started last night. Unfortunately, the right eye came off easily, but the left is proving stubborn. She now has what we call “Ghana is longer than Africa” plus she has an 8 o’clock lecture this morning, and it’s still not coming off.

“Moi”, I’m gonna let it take its natural course_ but seriously, it’s not that bad.

What did “you” do on Sunday?