Saturday, January 15, 2011

Courting too long

Yesterday my civil procedure tutorial generated into family law, one single question and the tables had been turned.

Interrogatories had morphed into Divorce.

The lecturer’s assistant _ brilliant lawyer if I may say so, not only answered the question but fueled the change of topic some more :-)
He went on to tell us how he had recently refrained from doing divorce cases, because 98% of the time, it was guaranteed to turn nasty, and if you were married or in some relationship you would be tempted to start sniffing around for all manner of signs before the alarm bells go off, and before long you'll start being way to careful and paranoid.

He was of the opinion that; the main reason for the sky rocketing divorce rate was the long period of courtship_ huh?

His argument was simply this; courtship is a pretence period, where each partner puts up a show for the other, so despite dating for many years 4, 5, 6, 7, 10 12 ; 60% or more is pretense. That is how come within the first six months of marriage most couples realise they are strangers to each other.

So his policy is this; when you meet that person you truly believe you cannot live without, that one person who cannot live without you, marry quickly and start getting to know each other better, it is only by living with that significant other,that you can truly get to know him. or her and adapt quickly in learning to accommodate that person.

Otherwise you may be left with false expectations and you'll find yourself thinking aloud “but when we were dating this is not how he or she would normally have reacted to A, B or C

One side of my brain appreciates this view somewhat, the other half is like_ HUH!

Hmm... is there any weight to his argument?


  1. There's no weight to his argument. Courtship is a period to truly dig in and find out about the person you want to marry. People have found things in courtship and decided not to get married. It's highly risky to jump into marriage like that. I disagree.

  2. I agree wit the writer 100%

  3. i agree wit jaycee...but nonetheless there exist some truth in the assistants case!!! u just have to be urself...its very important!!!

  4. This lawyer makes a lot of sense but then again, it's only by dating that you'd know whether they are worth marrying

  5. I think it is 50/50.

    When people can be real in courtship, then it works for them. Otherwise for those who pretend, the theory may hold.

    My opinion is that long courtships are generally not good for most people...

  6. Personally i think there's some truth in what he said, as to whether or not it's applicable to all, is another question. Every couple is different and to each his own.

    As Myne said, it's a 50/50 chance; risky business NO?

  7. Is there such a thing as being married for too long? Being alive for too long? Being employed for too long? Supporting Manchester United for too long? Whatever your answer is, it is the same for "Courting for too long".

  8. @nana yaw Wat has Man Utd got to do with this.. all u Man Utd looking for the least opportunity to talk about your club.. lol!!!

    like @myne said its 50/50. but the thing is we as humans have this thing abt ourselves, we are either trying too hard impress the person we are dating or trying to date. Because of that we can't be totally honest with each other and if you can't be honest from the get go the whole courtship/ dating thingy leading to marriage is just a big disaster waiting to happen.

    People date for so long and eventually get married only to find out after 20 years their husbands or wife are gay and lesbians respectively..

    But then again meeting someone and rushing into marriage is another mistake on its own.. I guess in the end we all just have to try our luck and hope that if and when we do get married it lasts. either that get a prenup just in case u face any surprises lol!!!